Easter

Hide me in the corner

I feel its getting warmer,

Find me in the hiding place,

In the refuge of the deluge of

Pain and the rain of the rearrange

That comes from sitting with You,

Easter is a disaster if You only show

Up today,

The cross beam be lifted high above

Me, around this neck of tragedy,

Blood so pure,

Was made not so sure

Red anymore,

Black and blue and bruised

Reeds were the reasons for

Those stripes,

Tender shoots with no roots,

I am addiction,

I am false fiction,

I am a poisoned diction,

I am living with this

Friction—I have no clue

What it’s worth,

Two middle fingers to

God, staff and a rod,

More a rod for a half heart

Cannot burn hot for love–

He is up to no good is what

We say when we know Him not,

Easter, let it be, not a disaster of

Just living for You today,

Let it be me not in the corner,

But me with light, with right

Things to think upon

Second Chances

Its written Its crumpled up next to

The books on this floor,

Sweet things, nice and sugary

Are nothing but forgery, Early departure, Lord, I need Your signature,

DVD of blood and guts of The ruts in this mind– Of how much I love You

My King, but how little do I sing..how little…how small This love is..how connection is Not my addiction,

Spring fever, Tighter clothes, More of a lie exposed, Once a year, couch family For me, waiting up for me,

Dark nights with a 2 dimensional Wall, ceiling fans just got you cool For a little bit, It was heat daily, Your presence not Hazy,

now I am older, Now this blog grows older, Now I should have a wise man’s Care, a wise man’s fear– To never stop is me,

Even if Easter is everyone’s Second chance,

I will not back Down—skin and tan lines,

Exposed is the innocence that They never had,

Raised in fear, Raised in hesitation,

Sky exits for these Regrets,

A never ending mercy Is all I need,

Scattered scribes of These diatribes and

The decadence that goes With it– To long maybe are these words, But I listen for mercy

Axis And Access

By mercy we can come near. By asking we can get wisdom and understanding.

Earth in full rotation

He wants my participation

Axis they do spin, in the center

Is the equation—a burning flame

In the core, now I want more,

I am made to explore—

Deep is what is beneath,

In darkness the light can

Be found, its always beyond

This fallen mind, but its for

All who would ask—

This mind is the mind of

Christ—I am dumb and smart

All at the same time—

Access you now give me,

You give all who would

Accept this blood,

This flood,

This no good

Opposition that lives

Inside of me—

Axes amaze me

For how does gravity

Not kill me?

Space is endless

But still fits inside

Of your hands—

Endless seems

Man’s hollow misery—

Immutable loneliness,

Never seems to ever

Go away—

A heart locked up in

Fear and pain—

But access God,

Access you have given

To me—let me delight

In mercy, let us understand

What we can’t understand—

Only by invitation,

But all are invited—

Loud gong I can be

Full of endless words

To express—but power

In what I say, give me

Access to have that

While the axes spin around

Me, while I stay inside of

This gravity

Shadows And Flames

Love has been the final fight
The final focus to get right
The final tale that’s yet to be telled
Man cannot have one dimension
He is complex and goes without mention—
The wind passes and the fires burn,
The flame bends on and in and through
The time that I have consumed—
Its scars stay close to me, stay close
Upon me—pain is on this resume—
The hardness of nights without sleep,
Without a rest to put me at ease—
Empty have I declared,
Bankruptcy I say,
Vacancy blinks neon as the
Dusk settles in, empty is
This place, carved out for You,
What was good in the past now
Does not last—I only have particles
Of you, memories of all who have
Not given up, a mountain man He
Was, down the mountain with fire and
Brimstone, with earthly tones, with
Shades of black, with a people of lack—
For fear used to be the source,
Fear of seeing and a real fear of
Receiving—
Moses knew Your ways,
But I live for the acts,
For the miracles,
For a wandering eye will
Never rest, so satisfy me
So I can be the best—
Shadows and flames come
And go—now I can approach
Without a Moses, without a
Mountain but through a Man
Called You Jesus,
The final fight for a new kind
Of shadow—one that heals
When I walk by,
One that picks up all
The fallen particles
That embraces this earthen
Vessel-one God, one Father,
One faith, one baptism,
One resume full of suffering,
Full of sorrow, full of death,
Full of facing all the forces that
Would try to steal and kill—
Love is that steady thing,
That burns in circles,
That has a ring,
That has commitment,
That has that wealthy ointment—
That can only be understood
When man is empty
When women is empty,
When pain is the guide to
Choose love, choose God,
To choose Christ and all
That He has done—if its
All that matters in the end—
Then today is the day to
Get it, to understand, to
See what it really means

Fallen Me. Bad News Before The Good News

I don’t have to preface what I am about to say because I can say whatever I want on my own blog. God bless America for this freedom that will be taken away one day by demonic-possessed men and women working for the Anti-Christ all to fulfill God’s great purposes before He comes and slays the heads of every single wicked King on this planet that does not bow before Him..A Jewish man that is the only one worthy to execute justice. So before you think your justice initiatives are really impacting the food ministry at your church does it line up with Christ? Does preaching His Gospel actually go beyond just feeding people and doing good stuff in a church building?

God does not dwell in temples made by hands..

My intro is a little bit of a rant but my aim..please, hear me, my aim is not to judge or condemn..I am examining myself and sharing with you what I am staring at when I look at Jared Diehl in the mirror.

sinners

It is believed that in the Christian life(at least most have some of this going on) that just going to church or activities at church and listening to someone preach on the radio equates to transformation. I do not want to go into all the details of this point because that is a thousand posts to come on the subject of sanctification.

Just hearing truth and the concepts of say salvation, justification(saved by faith, not by works), christian ethics, tithing, giving, forgiveness, showing compassion to a dying world, exc..

Just hearing does not mean change and does not actually mean you understand and are getting it. I think the biggest obstacle to going past just hearing is the already beyond warped conscious that we already possess. Did not David exclaim in his penitence..”In my mother’s womb..I was conceived in sin..”

John Calvin still lives in modern minds today. Calvinism. Neo-Calvinsim. Pelagianism. Mark Driscoll and John Piper–ism(Godly men..not making fun of them) carry the flame of TULIP. Some might add a few more letters. I don’t get all of it but I do agree that Total Depravity is pretty close to bearing its name. It means TOTAL. It means we cannot save ourselves. It means we are not good. It means no one is good.

Romans 3:10-19 says:

“There is none righteous, no, not one;


There is none who understands;


There is none who seeks after God.


They have all turned aside

They have together become unprofitable;

There is none who does good, no, not one.”


“Their throat is an open tomb;
With their tongues they have practiced deceit”;


“The poison of asps is under their lips”; 


“Whose mouth is full of cursing and bitterness.”

“Their feet are swift to shed blood;


Destruction and misery are in their ways

;
And the way of peace they have not known.”

“There is no fear of God before their eyes.”
 Now we know that whatever the law says, it says to those who are under the law, that every mouth may be stopped, and all the world may become guilty before God. Therefore by the deeds of the law no flesh will be justified in His sight, for by the law is the knowledge of sin.”(NKJV)

Our world craves darkness. Another passage to be quoted would be John 3:19-21(The whole passage of course needs to be read too) but look at this:

And this is the condemnation, that the light has come into the world, and men loved darkness rather than light, because their deeds were evil. For everyone practicing evil hates the light and does not come to the light, lest his deeds should be exposed. But he who does the truth comes to the light, that his deeds may be clearly seen, that they have been done in God.”

My world craves darkness. It can be easy to point the finger and think that ‘we are in the world and not of it’ so look at those sodomites, those homosexuals, those sexually immoral..geesh don’t they know that their end is the Lake of Fire to burn in the presence of the Lamb? Yes, all true but I am shining the magnifying glass on me. One Direction can sing all they want, “Let’s live while we are young.” J-LO can loudly proclaim, “We can do anything we want, so live it up!”

death-of-jesus-0108

The world is the world I live in and I am the darkness Jesus talks about. I am the resistance to Him. The answer to the pop lyrics is that you can imagine that you are doing what you want. You can imagine that at college your parents don’t know what you are up to unless you put in on facebook which would only break their hearts even more. You can and I can imagine that ‘doing what we want!’ is what makes America so special and so unique and so set apart from all those other communist dictators out there. No, that is the problem. We will answer for our deeds and for our actions and most of all, for our choices. Mercy is to be had and God is beyond good and will forgive anyone for anything, but it is still a choice. And most will choose darkness.

I am everything Paul lists just in Romans 3, not to mention all the other places. I am all of those descriptions and more and most likely worse then those descriptions.

I have not a very exciting life so its much easier for me to just talk about other people. I guess I am a leader so its okay to break everyone open because I am trying to be a good leader and I am trying to help them. Really? Talking crap about people really helps them.

I think giving a quarter for someone to take the bus is doing a good deed for the day while I am mostly thinking about how I can waste more money at Starbucks, or on movies, or on eating crappy food. But because I please everyone and appear to be doing things right by praying at my church and praying loudly on the microphone I guess I am fighting the darkness..right?

form_of_godliness_3

Sorry to sound negative on myself. I am done beating myself up. I hope I can find life in God to the point of not just talking about my sin with Him. I hope that is not all we talk about in heaven. Its a work in progress.

What I am mostly saying in this attempt to make the point that I highly underestimate my fallen desires. I think I am much better off then I really am. But the good news, however, is that myself and everyone reading this, we do not have to stay this way. Its rather more important for us to understand the bad news before we can rejoice in the Gospel, which means “good news.”

It is both an error to think we are better then what we really are and call our good deeds godliness when it can not be that. “A form(appearance) of godliness, but denying its power.” I fear that we are getting itching ears. And I am, again, looking at me first.

It is much easier for me to believe in a book like ‘Your Best Life Now’ then it would be for me to meditate on Romans 3 and John 3. It would be much easier for me to just feed people at our church’s food ministry and call it making an impact on people or even dare to call it the same thing as love. Love is not food. Love is not stuff. The Gospel is not just for the “blessings” and for a “better life.” Have you read the Declaration of Independence? Have you really believed that we are founded on Godly principles or have some kind of covenant with God because ‘God Bless America’ is the signet phrase on our green money? To my understanding the only covenant nation with God is Israel. I mean Israel in the past and Israel today. So, God so keeps His word that when Israel disobeys God He corrects them by sending the Assyrians, the Chaldeans, and any other surrounding enemy..all for the purpose of correcting them. In Ezekiel alone some 70 times God says, ‘So that they may know that I am the Lord.’ So, covenant with God looks like that. I am pretty sure Russia or North Korea or China have not invaded the shores of America. But is is surely possible if we want to make that kind of commitment back to God.

It hurts to be honest. And the bad news is that we are in danger. We are in grave danger as a country if we think our prosperity means God is for the things we do as a nation. I don’t want to bash America. And God does love us and loves the 300 plus million people who live here..but its still bad news before the good news that we need to hear. Our American Dream is dying. Thanks Adam Smith for breaking it down for us, but it doesn’t take an expert sociologist to say that it is dying. I can’t speak for everyone because I have had a pretty easy life. Yes, my dad was not the best father and my mom stayed with him for much to long and now I have bipolar depression partly because of the abusive home life we had. But no one would have ever guessed that because we went to a charismatic church that loved intercession.

Again, that didn’t change the pain, or the genetic disposition I have, or the negative lies that have warped my mind that now..as a man I have to face so I don’t screw my kids up.

And I love my parents. I still love my dad and my mom and without them I would be way far off doing God knows what. I honor them. I am simply saying that our past is not just buried because ‘all things have become new.’ I hope you understand. We have pain.

Life is hard and I don’t really know what else I have experienced that would put me in a place to hate God because God is not the problem and not the source of the world’s suffering and injustice. He has given us a choice and the choice is ours to now..in spite of our darkness to live lives of humility and choose what is right over what is evil and wrong.

The challenge for us us to make the Ruckus. To make the noise about what is good and who it comes from. Good is from above. ‘Every good and perfect gift.’ ‘God cannot deny Himself’ and that means that He will not compromise any part of Himself. He will always make the perfect choice. If I end up in Hell then He did everything possible for me to not go there. He will be right.

If we can understand our fallen tendencies I think we can better understand the mercy and the goodness that God offers us. I am much to tired of talking about changing and talking about loving and talking about having God in my life when really my life would look a lot different if I was to truly say, ‘God, I need you and I am desperate for you.’

I feel no condemnation. I feel it would help us to evaluate with the word of God and not by the church culture or the culture in general. We are the light. We are the salt. We are not to hide from the world. We are to shine in it.

 

 

 

I Am The I Am

I am not the wind,
I am the dark,
I am the spark that was
Buried under the fire,
I am the boy scout,
The last one at best,
I am the curb, I am the
Teeth with an open jaw,
I am racism,
I am discriminating,
I am yellow, and black,
And white and Persian,
And afraid of explosions,
I have not it in me to kill
The war on terror,
I am the patriot act,
The tapped phone,
The endless database,
The cowboy days are
Not past me, I am the oil,
I am the spoil, I am the older
Generation losing aspiration,
I am the American Dream,
Yet I am still suffering—
Yet I am in constant pain,
I am not happy, I am not
Pleasant to be around,
Its not my best life now—
He never says anything
Anyway—I am the prosperity
Living for me—I am not
Hearing the Man, the branch,
The lamb, I am not the light
Into the world,
I am the darkness,
I am against Him,
He has a demon,
He is just a man,
Yet says He is God?
He is the rod,
The structure,
The Ruler,
The King,
Against me,
If dark remains in me,
Hell is my home,
If Christ is not my own—
Is not living in me,
Flames are for me,
Flames are against me,
Flames will eternally remind me
Life was hard but I lived easy,
I lived for fame,
I lived for my name,
I lived for the spot light,
I am death,
I am the shadow,
I am all these things
On my own—I am without
You—I am here, still here—
Asking myself—28 strong—
I am young, and dumb
And full of myself—
I am the header of me,
I am the fallen things I
Fear—I am in need of
The I am