Not Alone

Loneliness and struggling with it has been a huge part of my journey. I have seen it in myself as well as people around me. I think Christian or not, we all battle with this and can be embarrassed to say we do. Having lots of friends or social networking connections does not necessarily alleviate that ache that lives deep inside of you. I believe we were made for God, but He also declares: ‘it is not good that man is alone.’ Being with people and community is as much important as being with God. We need both. Hope you can be encouraged by this. And I am sure more to come on this subject too.

Both sides of the story
Plays in the background,
The world needs a review,
A spotlight, a time for love
To get it right, pointed at,
Scorned at, shamed for sin,
Longing again, longing within,
Alone on the train tracks,
Alone in the shadow attacks,
Alone in the subway systems,
Alone in the streets I walk on,
Alone when the sun shines
Bright on the waves I look at,
Alone in the skyline, alone while
In line, at the store, wanting more,
Alone with you, around you, when
They talk, when they listen, when
They glisten, the story speaks from
Beginning to end, redemption has
Found you, it has found you alone,
Alone in the smog, lonely in L.A.,
In the fray, in the rain, in the freeway
Getaway, in the airports men and
Women run away, packed away
Real tight that Samsonite, memories
And tragedies, bitter and clear cannot
Flow together, alone in every kind
Of weather, story me November,
When I get older, if I have learned
Anything while living this hard life,
Its don’t think twice about love,
Its after you, its in you, its all around
The lonely around you—its in all
And to all and through all—find me
Under the Fluorescite lights, awake
At night, cracked tangerine sky,
Underling me, undermining
Me, in a movie theater for two,
In a dark room for light, meant
To be speaks to us, meant to not
Be alone men and women do you
Feel this, do you know this? It was
All good, it was all better than we
Knew—but you by yourself, you
Alone, you doing this life alone—
Not what He meant, not what He does,
I know its pain, its alone, its you and
Just your children, stepping on toys
In the morning, smelling the coffee,
Desperate to live awake and
Time to shake the lonely in us,
God came near us, in a man, in a
Broken world, in all the places where
We reject Him—came near, a story He
Has written, a story for all to join Him,
God’s family will rewrite your tragedy—
So come near it, fear it, hear it—we are
Not alone—women need a man to show
Them this truth, to show this as proof—
A man to point you to Jesus, to walk like
Him, for there is no one like Him, and Men-
To know Him, to not look to culture for
Your future, for we are the leaders,
We are the ones to carry the flame—
To pass on our last name, to build a
Righteous family, to lead women into
All truth, all love, all joy and peace in
Believing—God came to not make
Me happy, but to save all of me!
Not alone says the story He is
Writing—not alone says the
Darkened parts of me!

Full Of

God.Life.Love. Relationships. Connection. Eternity. And most of all, love.

Is there room for me,
Inside and around the things
That you do, the wonder of you,
The thoughts of closeness to you,
Where can I fit in, where can
I start to begin, infinite mercy
And infinite love is showered
Down upon me, like a rental,
Not in the mental, he came,
He was maybe to blame, the
Hits I took in secret became
Public and suspect to reject
The lovely things about myself,
And on the shelf my story lives,
My life it gives back to me,
For I alone know this memory,
To live, to die, to crossover,
To stand before Him with those
Eyes of flames and the name
Above all names—I am here,
I am infinite, I am full of greatness
I am wonderful, I am incredible,
I have not found yet someone
To share this with, I am alone
In the crowd and your voice
Is real loud, I dance, I entertain,
I proclaim that the world could
Satisfy but I try not to lie, I ache
Daily, I am restless, I am heartless
At times, I am resting on nothing
But those promises that await me,
Righteous choices to catch up
With me, but love to stay with me—
For I know now that all the good
In me will be seen and carry over
Into forever, accept me, don’t
Reject me, make me empty, so
I can be full of you—full of love,
And full of truth.

The Perfect Conditions(older poem)

I was thinking about this piece cause I wrote this 2 years ago but its from a Christmas party that I had back in 2009 when I had lived with my mom and worked for Trader Joes for a year and a half. I have been thinking about how lonely we can feel amidst ‘conditions’ around us causing us to not want to experience isolation. I like this, a lot.

The Perfect Conditions

Single man, looking for a place to lay my head
And there is was on Christmas eve instead,
Rewind it was two weeks earlier, me and her,
Chattered and battered pancakes together and gone
With the Orange weather, some marine layer and another
Layer of her soul went out like windowpanes opening for the light
She had me might or maybe it changed so quickly then suddenly the
Party came, the music switched and all got hitched, he hit the lights on
The couch, passed out loud now, Lost and the office playing in repetition
Behind all my intuition, he got the dirty bottles and pressed full throttle, I still
Feel alone, this place was packed, of course mom was gone and that always
Brought more separation, but as I cleaned with violent hesitation I saw that no
Matter how many souls existed in my apartment I would still be a man searching
For purpose, the glass broke more on the floor, she left and never came back,
The phone, well that never rings, who wants to hear my west coast dreaming
Anyway, and there I was in dismay over the silent array, grabbing on the edge of
The fray tying to make new memories, is it the salt water I see, her name still carved
out in the sand beneath me, for there it was, 20 more gone, 20 more long
Gone to never say thank you again, there I was with the perfect conditions for
Feeling accepted, and should I inkjet this story, the jetway opened up to me,
As I packed for the east, I saw the yiest in front of me, I poked at my own cavity
And checked modern gravity, is this me, still 3 years strong on Klonapin, the anti
Anxiety days o when will those ones end, does anyone got the medicine at 3am
When I was sure I was sleeping with all the lights on and I had reached modern
Security and it was just me and my propriety, no girl this is stolen property, give
Me something to say in this world of comfort on display they left out the door,
They left all the more, trying and hogging all my orange county speculation,
Taking Lexus and BMW to get away, stealing all the salt to keep me floating
In sweet, sincere desperation, the Christmas party had all the perfect conditions
For me to not feel so isolated and up against the wall but how great is the fall
That catches me offguard, to run into his arms when all are gone and I’m staring
At the ceiling always unsure of what I am feeling