Not Alone

Loneliness and struggling with it has been a huge part of my journey. I have seen it in myself as well as people around me. I think Christian or not, we all battle with this and can be embarrassed to say we do. Having lots of friends or social networking connections does not necessarily alleviate that ache that lives deep inside of you. I believe we were made for God, but He also declares: ‘it is not good that man is alone.’ Being with people and community is as much important as being with God. We need both. Hope you can be encouraged by this. And I am sure more to come on this subject too.

Both sides of the story
Plays in the background,
The world needs a review,
A spotlight, a time for love
To get it right, pointed at,
Scorned at, shamed for sin,
Longing again, longing within,
Alone on the train tracks,
Alone in the shadow attacks,
Alone in the subway systems,
Alone in the streets I walk on,
Alone when the sun shines
Bright on the waves I look at,
Alone in the skyline, alone while
In line, at the store, wanting more,
Alone with you, around you, when
They talk, when they listen, when
They glisten, the story speaks from
Beginning to end, redemption has
Found you, it has found you alone,
Alone in the smog, lonely in L.A.,
In the fray, in the rain, in the freeway
Getaway, in the airports men and
Women run away, packed away
Real tight that Samsonite, memories
And tragedies, bitter and clear cannot
Flow together, alone in every kind
Of weather, story me November,
When I get older, if I have learned
Anything while living this hard life,
Its don’t think twice about love,
Its after you, its in you, its all around
The lonely around you—its in all
And to all and through all—find me
Under the Fluorescite lights, awake
At night, cracked tangerine sky,
Underling me, undermining
Me, in a movie theater for two,
In a dark room for light, meant
To be speaks to us, meant to not
Be alone men and women do you
Feel this, do you know this? It was
All good, it was all better than we
Knew—but you by yourself, you
Alone, you doing this life alone—
Not what He meant, not what He does,
I know its pain, its alone, its you and
Just your children, stepping on toys
In the morning, smelling the coffee,
Desperate to live awake and
Time to shake the lonely in us,
God came near us, in a man, in a
Broken world, in all the places where
We reject Him—came near, a story He
Has written, a story for all to join Him,
God’s family will rewrite your tragedy—
So come near it, fear it, hear it—we are
Not alone—women need a man to show
Them this truth, to show this as proof—
A man to point you to Jesus, to walk like
Him, for there is no one like Him, and Men-
To know Him, to not look to culture for
Your future, for we are the leaders,
We are the ones to carry the flame—
To pass on our last name, to build a
Righteous family, to lead women into
All truth, all love, all joy and peace in
Believing—God came to not make
Me happy, but to save all of me!
Not alone says the story He is
Writing—not alone says the
Darkened parts of me!

City I Live In

Nostalgia finds me,
In this city of lights
And brights and fist
Fights—desert I was
Born in, Scotsdale sun
Scorching fun, tossed in
The waves of the common,
To and fro in the throes of
Change, make me grow,
Make me know, make me
Not grow old without knowing
Love, love that changes, love
That rearranges—city takes
Me now, cities that don’t sleep,
City of celebrity, city of stars
In the pavement, L.A. smog rises,
Rises around me now, I went with
Her into the crowds, into the hands
That are held, into the plans of
Future, but past was with me,
At last was with me—I ask to
Redact this ordinary life, I ask
For impact, for power, for a shower
Upon me of grace to overcome!
I must die, and dying might happen
Soon! I am barely 30 and barely sturdy
In the city, for it calls my name, chalks
Me dead on the sidewalk, neon clicks
Vacancy in the twilight—I must live
Right and have a life that means
Something—city life speak to me,
For if I can burn in you, then all
Can burn around me—which flame
Will they go, will they choose—
Can I be the mediator of good
News? Change it now, change
The city I live in


This is from 2009. I was watching a kid in a wheelchair visiting L.A.

Injustice in a
wheelchair I
can’t help but
stare at eyes
that don’t care
that a scare syndrome
would ask Him to come
and deliver injustice on
two wheels heading down
hils as thrills of two
legs of steadiness
causes self righteousness
for the brightness of days
your shades over
stray eyes not filled
with sties or blind
guys with canes
don’t with distrup us
at the crosswal
blaring cross
signal echo,
perfect is the
ordinary man
but shrunken
are women and men
who drive by
Mulholland drive
who stand and stare
at L.A. While the sick
pick a fight with my
conscious that I can
do something about
this, I can pray to
His highness for
merciless torment
to not take place
yet a mile and life
worthwhile down
the drain of
constant pain
beyond expression
Hollywood’s vision
for scary movies
became realities
of conscious

Lonely In L.A.

I am stealing this title from some random aspiring writer out there that has a movie called this. Just reflecting on living next to this city and all that comes with that.

I don’t dismiss the aching
loneliness, the part of you
that gets missed and longed
for by the crowd passing by,
connection deep down,
upside of the frown searching
around me now, penniless is
this absent hapless journey
fortune to fame down the LA
freeway, nothing free in this

town anyway, lonely in LA is what everyone is living anyway,
fame, fortune and the journey of getting there but what truly satisfies
never lies and is hidden from those smitten upon this American Dream,
this endless gold rush of ambition to line the city’s intuition, down
the freeway it goes anyway—all day and everyday it races underneath
me and these veins spill it out indeed—I am in need—help me succeed

in this city that never sleeps or blinks until darkness prevails through
the camera lens—Mulholland is a column I write about, I reflect
upon, but this drug of dreams that smokes me clean could maybe
never evaporate from me, rather I would be the one caught in thin
air without worry or care—so I drive and stay steady, lonely it may
be to be in this world known city—but it will take something from me,
even if I don’t give back to it

L.A. Dreams

There’s a new place

That takes up new space

Highway five keeps me alive

Its a daily drive, a daily grind

Its now my time, city of dreams

A city that beams, standard hotel

I do dwell, a rooftop life that’s

Better than sitting like the

Homeless man there is a plan

He fades into the creation

And sleeps with much hesitation

Its a city of dreams, a city of light

I now see the flight to get there

A flight out of my existence

To a city with resistance

See if my dreams are not found

In him it then is a city of sin and

If I have not love in the taking

Then these dreams are just

Fluff in the making