Driveway Repeat

Don’t leave
Was harder to receive
Edge of the driveway
Mainstay, stand still,
Spring thrill,
Winter ride,
Snow was the tide
To ride upon,
Darkened bangs,
Darkened fangs,
Bit into me,
Now I was not so
Lovely—summer was
Always so wonderful,
Spring to much of miserable—
I had it with you the steps close
To love, to new, to anew—September
Better, August past us in behind the
Porch lit memories—life is the porch
I am standing on, standing upon—
My ruckus is ruined, my life
Has been ruined—for Holy is
The man I seek, is the face I
Go after—I dig into you God,
Edge of it, edge of the driveway,
I am in the middle of nothing
Trying to find something—
Waiting was never my
Strength, was never
The way it worked out
For the both of us—
Now I still wait,
But wait for change,
Wait for the words to
Come alive again,
This is love!
This is death
Negative and positive
Are daily so I press into
The upward call,
And remember the
Fall, but push delete,
Put your love on repeat

Stubs

I am keeping the stubs,
I am searching for the truth,
I am bored, I am a lost soul,
I am not in control of lonely,
Or in control of empty,
Or ready to be buried,
Six feet under,
Six days until the thunder
Comes, a six day war O you
Jerusalem, an insane asylum—
A peeled onion,
I am pain and the
Tears and the layers
And layers of Kodak
Fears—picture me God,
Less lonely, less sad,
Less of a boy, more of a
Man, I picture it,
I stub it,
I tear it off and
Keep it—I look at the
Truth—do not tear that
Off and throw that away—
All I have is stubs,
I search, I thirst,
And seek for the whole
Picture

The Battle

Everyday is a battle
You at the center, the
Colors, the waves, the
Soul that saves, winning
Them is wise, beating the
Sunrise, demanding surprise
At every turn, at every corner,
At every angle, you build and
Gather all around me, summer
Was never enough, never enough
To fully know you, never enough
To be with You, the presence I
Long for, covered up with longing,
I skip and walk upon the waves you
Have created, waiting for a little less
Lonely, a little less homely, a little less
Of a builder I have become, work, labor,
Strive, slave away, this world has to be
Built up and destroyed upon by me,
By man, by woman, everyday is the battle,
Is the line I draw in the sand, turning to you
Begins with me and all I can do to get to you,
Beauty and love they hide inside of me,
Waiting to come out, waiting to be searched
Out upon, waiting to be walked upon,
I wait, O, God, I wait with no feelings,
With my head to the ceiling, with your
Hand upon the door, where you turn it,
Where you burn it—where you pour into
Me when I endure, when I suffer, when I
Offer all my weakness—this lovely battle
Where death do us part, where love is
Real from the start—I give it to you, God,
Those I love, those I don’t, those that won’t
Receive me on my best days—every angle,
In every building, in every freeway, you have
Given all of yourself to me

Full Of

God.Life.Love. Relationships. Connection. Eternity. And most of all, love.

Is there room for me,
Inside and around the things
That you do, the wonder of you,
The thoughts of closeness to you,
Where can I fit in, where can
I start to begin, infinite mercy
And infinite love is showered
Down upon me, like a rental,
Not in the mental, he came,
He was maybe to blame, the
Hits I took in secret became
Public and suspect to reject
The lovely things about myself,
And on the shelf my story lives,
My life it gives back to me,
For I alone know this memory,
To live, to die, to crossover,
To stand before Him with those
Eyes of flames and the name
Above all names—I am here,
I am infinite, I am full of greatness
I am wonderful, I am incredible,
I have not found yet someone
To share this with, I am alone
In the crowd and your voice
Is real loud, I dance, I entertain,
I proclaim that the world could
Satisfy but I try not to lie, I ache
Daily, I am restless, I am heartless
At times, I am resting on nothing
But those promises that await me,
Righteous choices to catch up
With me, but love to stay with me—
For I know now that all the good
In me will be seen and carry over
Into forever, accept me, don’t
Reject me, make me empty, so
I can be full of you—full of love,
And full of truth.

I See You God

A combination of the last couple of weeks. Wanting to respond and receive God’s mercy for my life.

Reflector shine light on me,
Storyteller tell me a story,
You like, you fell, you tried to
Tell, you loved, you gived, you
Haved, you wanted, you longed,
You stopped, you paused, you
Fought the cause, now you live
In because and change is what
You want, a man is what you need
To be, pain, trials, suffering, erasing
The painstaking memories of the past,
Dark without a spark stayed with you
All those days, all those nights, all those
Fist fights with self images and mirror
Stare downs—now you long, now you
Live—now you are normal and don’t
Want to be—pain stays with you to
Remind you to return and run and
Fall into the love that has saved you,
Depression and electricity stay behind,
For power is in you to speak, to shout,
To make it real loud how you have longed
All your days to belong, to be accepted, to
Be loved and you haven’t gotten what
You wanted—you have received what
You needed and will need to keep
Your heart beating—stop and pause,
And rewrite your story over again,
Storyteller tell me a story, tell me
History, tell me of blasphemy they
Shout and crucify their shouts to
Nails bent around those hands of
Love that reached down when I
Was a long lost cause—now I reflect,
Now I reject, now I choose, now I
Need, Now I bend, Now I say what
I want to say to all who have fallen
Away—love has guided, love has
Divided, love has come, desire, and
Pain stay but love will never fade
Away—so I choose even if no
One chooses at all—I choose to
Live, to give, to receive what I can’t
Give myself—mercy, freedom, love,
Grace, power all to do it again and
Again day after day, new year upon
New year, holiday upon holiday,
Lead me not away from you, cause
Me to return, to remember, to stay
November when I turn another age,
Higher, older, wiser, smarter, but
In more in need year upon year—
I see you God and I hear.

Things Of The Past(older poem)

Don’t know who this is about but I wrote it probably 2 years ago.

Thing Of The Past

Those blonde hair highlights keep me up at night
When the days that it seemed right sitting outside
The parlor waiting for a holler or a caller inside my
Pockets waiting for the phone to ring but to many years
Have past since that, Valentine’s day it seemed the double
Doors were open to get back to you but something else
Was bothering you, tell me truly that it wouldn’t be
Because I wasted those school days studying you
And paper in the trash of those entries and entrees
We shared a movie theatre for two no more, streets
Lonely now it seems, warmth not for some more months
And beach days they stay back there, princess I know that
I can’t get to the castle but with you I wanted the hassle and
The angst and the pranks pulled on me, cause the air in your
Hair was better, those blonde haired highlights they certainly
Have passed and time has moved on and that’s just what it is,
Something of yesterday but I hope now you live better cause
I’m loving not being bitter, so stay sweet sister

Fighting

Down and out some would say,
But can the pain just slip away,
A gnawing on the in, is what everyone’s
About, a longing on the in is what shows
On the out, to pick up the fist I must
Insist, to dig down deep is over the ash
Heap of pain in the inner that never goes
Away, that stays with man day to day,
Loving is easy when the fight stays
Fresh, and in that I win, each day
Fighting for love to stay deep inside
Of me, longing, that may never change
But mercy is the great exchange,
Mistakes is just not fighting,
Living I do, trying leads to
Maybe failing, but fighting keeps
Me sailing over and in through
Each day,

Time to fight and fight for love,
Inside it must remain and outside
It must show

On Fire

Now im on fire

Its what you require

Its what inspires

Conflagration and dedication

A sea of glass verse a lake of fire

Now my heart aches

Worship around the flame

Or rejection of his name

The flame of love gets me

On fire changes my desire

Like 40 foot high ticki torches

It burns high and bright helps

Me to get it right keeps me

Up at night, division you

Say a sword you slay, peace

Removed and truth in the

Groove, you do now move

And live the fullest inside

Of me, help me burn and quit

Trying to earn

Fascinated

Here now I am Lord down on my knees

Telling you please redeem me, these fallen eyes got to see now

You Lord, the only one, singing it out now once fallen, once fascinated,

Once truncated by weakness, horse now in the Preakness I run away from

That mercy, thousands in the wasteland wasting away, giving away, hearing

And heading the sway to a new day, now the freeway calls to me, and more

Wasted time is on the shoreline, hair highlights of the past in this mind now

Has changed with time, August days behind me of the end of summer of another

Broken cold winter in December, to much now spent on the rent and the time

Spent saving up for myself, guessing who’s what now and when is the time to

Lay it down now, Lord you now have all of me, you now have that which makes

Me succeed, now now I plead come and clean me now, that laundry always

Spinning to cover that which is always sinning, Lord now come washing away

My sins, let me see again, separation days brought some delays, her and him tried

To swim in the deep end of fascination but the flame burned out now, still on the

Search, still at church, still waiting for more friends, a little bit now of protection from the fallen world around them, for the lease broke years back, now my lack

Is here and I am here to say, red eyes inside of your mind, stare and stay with me

All night long, keep me lasting strong, blood freedom inside of me, this Holy

Medium now come and end the pandemonium, cure for the cancer, answer for the

Disaster, come now, crash into me, love me more now because I am so good at being

Bored, so looking forward to empty movie parking lots where the soul still rots and

Longs for more spider webs to never move me—fascinate move me now, for love

Is the thrusting and now I need to go trusting as I lye down now

Love Change

There is now no mistaking the painstaking aching at night

The endless pillow fight to get it might or maybe through

The night so hazy, to much now anticipation has caught up

In hesitation, now please come with some connection, come

With some now protection cause I am missing the voice that

Has created you, nightly I missed your flights and your turbulence

Has kept me up, red eyes tonight, Persian queen come and sit inside

These memories, come now and fly to me, I miss that couch family,

24 hours to watch it pass by now, ocean days, orange rays, comfort

stays, independence crush, freedom now taken away, all those wasted

sun rays, now please come and break this shoreline thought again,

summer again, sprinklers a must, love and trust always lining this

purple lit sky, now all the smiles of the past are sinking in and questions

are forming again, how much time is their to love a little bit more? To

many aches inside this chest and not enough time to change, west coast

behind us, love now in front of us, all deliberate speed playing inside this

head thinking now how to be dead inside this mind, so please family

change in front of me, babies born soon, time changing with the sky

falling, October baby and a big maybe inside of me, life will move on

and I will press on and through this nightly pain, sleepless isn’t my

fear rather loveless, heartless is my fear now so come and take over

now Holy one let me love the red eyes you have staring at me