Feel It Again

Feel it coming again,
That love again, that
Backwind again, back against
You all my life, dark a spark never
Lit, at the edge of the cigarette,
Passed it by the nurses, let it out
In the daylight, watched fireworks
At night, paced like a monster chasing
His shadow, now the meadow fails me,
For I once ran in it, I once sat in it,
I once preferred the darkness, preferred
The snow mounds and my breath seen
By the Kansas wind, I liked the hiding place,
The secret space, the endless revisions of
Those entertainment decisions,
Feel it coming again,
That love again,
Who I was and now who I am,
What she has done, what she has
Left, what the sun did to us, did to
It, on the sand I didn’t understand
How to be a better man, now
A King sits and sets Himself over
My life, just want acceptance,
Just want no resistance, just want
An easy way out sometimes,
Pain is man’s horse he rides
Upon, women fear child rearing,
Birth pangs to take a hold of them,
They seduce and give out secrets,
Can’t hold it in is there greatest sin,
Men, we fail to wage war, get lost
In the video world, false love, false
War, a violent display of bodies
Loving each other, just with no love—
War on porn, war on torn, war on the
Scorn men carry that cause them
To bury it—inside is what He is
After, inside the chaos I have created,
The sleepless cigarette club,
That talked to me daily,
Early they did wake,
Early did I make the mistake—
I gave all my secrets away—
Now find me again, God,
Waiting to learn to love again

Black And Light

To those who struggle with the mind. Grace and mercy to you!

All I see is black
All I have is lack,
All I hear is the shadow
And the echo that follows
Me, attempts at you,
Attempts to get to you,
Seek me, find me, you
Would say, but I saw you
That day—white hallways
Called out to me, broken
Break room in front of me,
Hot tea, sugar, spice and sweet—
I delete the days of happiness
For you saw it and I lived it—
Dark sinks deep, light is a war
I was done fighting then—you
Had me in—life is to hard to
Call easy—trees breezy,
Make me a man that is
A man for you—depressed
Men call for truth, call for
Light, for the church to shine
Bright—weak limbs surround
Me but they are apart of this
Body—I choose them, I seek
Them—love is the war on
Weakness—shine in me
Lord—let light reign in
High octane of black
And bruised and abused
Voices that live in this
Broken mind

Black And Light

To the mentally ill and all those who struggle.

All I see is black
All I have is lack,
All I hear is the shadow
And the echo that follows
Me, attempts at you,
Attempts to get to you,
Seek me, find me, you
Would say, but I saw you
That day—white hallways
Called out to me, broken
Break room in front of me,
Hot tea, sugar, spice and sweet—
I delete the days of happiness
For you saw it and I lived it—
Dark sinks deep, light is a war
I was done fighting then—you
Had me in—life is to hard to
Call easy—trees breezy,
Make me a man that is
A man for you—depressed
Men call for truth, call for
Light, for the church to shine
Bright—weak limbs surround
Me but they are apart of this
Body—I choose them, I seek
Them—love is the war on
Weakness—shine in me
Lord—let light reign in
High octane of black
And bruised and abused
Voices that live in this
Broken mind

Out For Me

Older Reflection.To all who struggle with brain chemistry.

Chaos it lives inside of me
Chaos it calls out to me,
What am I led by, what am I guided by,
Ocean tide, call my name, sweep me away again
Its that swell again, its that hell again, its that mind again
Always asking nervous questions, nagging me to change
Nagging me to rearrange a new life, one that is not pain
And suffering, you see the buffering is what makes me
Press into Him, makes me climb the mountain with hands wide open and I am wondering why all the time when I should no longer be full of shoulds and woulds
But rather be faced with mercy calling me, mercy falling

Me, leaves racking, soul still aching, good-byes to the seasons of life they change inside me all of the time, feet not on this hardwood floor anymore, cds on repeat
All the the more, hot shower and an hour of torment feels

More then dormant, lying awake chest burning and many
Petitions, guilty has stamped me and shame has had it out for me, standing now has become a hard thing to do for falling is the end of the line for me now to give into
Death—to try to past that test, the halls of the unit they don’t unify me they defy me and