Axis And Access

By mercy we can come near. By asking we can get wisdom and understanding.

Earth in full rotation

He wants my participation

Axis they do spin, in the center

Is the equation—a burning flame

In the core, now I want more,

I am made to explore—

Deep is what is beneath,

In darkness the light can

Be found, its always beyond

This fallen mind, but its for

All who would ask—

This mind is the mind of

Christ—I am dumb and smart

All at the same time—

Access you now give me,

You give all who would

Accept this blood,

This flood,

This no good

Opposition that lives

Inside of me—

Axes amaze me

For how does gravity

Not kill me?

Space is endless

But still fits inside

Of your hands—

Endless seems

Man’s hollow misery—

Immutable loneliness,

Never seems to ever

Go away—

A heart locked up in

Fear and pain—

But access God,

Access you have given

To me—let me delight

In mercy, let us understand

What we can’t understand—

Only by invitation,

But all are invited—

Loud gong I can be

Full of endless words

To express—but power

In what I say, give me

Access to have that

While the axes spin around

Me, while I stay inside of

This gravity

What Its Been Is Just Depravity

Photo on 6-24-14 at 2.26 PM

Still need some help making the words appear next to whichever picture is posted. It has been far to much time that has passed that I have NOT discussed current works of poetry. I love movie reviews. I love the learning and the discussion. I love theology. I love talking about current books(a long list to be written about) but most of all I love poetry. Next to Jesus and my family and my best friends in the whole world I love writing poetry. I have yet to label myself as a beat poet, a spoken word artist or any other format that is out there. I have on purpose not looked at what is out there and I have not tried to conform to it.

Receipt tape while I worked at Ralph’s in December 2007. That’s all I had and that’s where it began. All writers( and wannabe’s) have a story and have their whole lives to offer on the pages that they pen. I offer up to the world my reflections on Christ at the center of pain, suffering and all that we do not understand. I do not offer conclusive solutions or polemics against those who “dislike Christians.” I preach Christ and Him crucified. I do not need to defend God. I simply want to represent Him rightly knowing that I will change a lot of what I believe and think over time. Everyone will.

What its been for me in the past two months almost now has been a lot of I am’s. I am thinking of the I AM’s in John’s Gospel. However, I am thinking more along the lines of human depravity and attachment to sin.

I am addiction. I am wheelchair. I am intention. I am violence. I am buried chains.

All of these titles bear what I hope to be an accurate description of how I feel sometimes and how I feel others might feel. I can’t escape the words of John’s third chapter..’Men love the darkness.’ The good news of the Gospel begins with men loving themselves and loving the darkened shadows they walk in.

Keep in mind some of these verses:

Romans 1:29-30” being filled with all unrighteousness, wickedness, greed, evil; full of envy, murder, strife, deceit, malice; they are gossips, slanderers, haters of God, insolent, arrogant, boastful, inventors of evil, disobedient to parents, without understanding, untrustworthy, unloving, unmerciful.”

Psalm 5:5
“The arrogant cannot stand in your presence. You hate all who do wrong;”

Psalm 81:15
“Those who hate the LORD would cringe before him, and their punishment would last forever.

Proverbs 24:8
“Whoever plots evil will be known as a schemer.

2 Cor. 12:20
“…I fear that there may be discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, slander, gossip, arrogance and disorder.

2 Timothy 3:2
“People will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boastful, proud, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy,

And lastly, we should all remember this in John 3:35-36

“The Father loves the Son and has given all things into His hand. “He who believes in the Son has eternal life; but he who does not obey the Son will not see life, but the wrath of God abides on him.”

I don’t think Christians should respond to these verses pointing the finger and thinking..O, look at the world, that same world we live in but we are not apart of. O, look at the insolent people I work with and my co-workers who gossip. Usually saying this over and over to ourselves leads then to us saying: ‘O, I am so glad I am not like them!’

The full Gospel message should infuse us first with a “Total” description. To use from the TULIP expression. Total means our whole beings and bodies and minds are all effected by sin. Therefore, all of Christ’s sacrifice has absorbed that wrath for us. Christ laid down His mind( and did not sin), His body(as a sacrificial Lamb), and His heart/Spirit. All of His totality in His sacrifice has made the way for us to be totally free and delivered. However, we still have to fight this total thing. Our proclivities towards what theses verses( and many more) are telling us. We do not just dwell on our fallen condition nor do we just try to live our best life now relishing in all the stuff we get from God because we said a salvation prayer and because we have good attendance at church.

We live with our whole beings. I am addiction. I am wheelchair and the other I am poems point to this knife cutting introspection. I am a homosexual really. I am gay outside of the grace that compels me not to do so. I do not attempt to talk to much on the homosexuality issue. Its pretty clear that its not just a political agenda. As much as it has made leaps and bounds in the last few years. The acceptance of this issue has been in the hearts of every human being since the beginning of time. So, in one sense, we should not be so surprised. Other issues like abortion, pornography and the sec slave movement are very unfortunate and not to be treated like they don’t exist. However, all of these things have been around since Adam and Eve.

The film Noah(which I did see) did not delve to deep into the scariest description of man and a very scary response that God had.

Genesis  6:5-6

“Then the LORD saw that the wickedness of man was great on the earth, and that every intent of the thoughts of his heart was only evil continually. The LORD was sorry that He had made man on the earth, and He was grieved in His heart.…”

Already after the joyous creation of man and women and their union together. And there reflection of the Trinity and God’s desire for intimacy. Already, men and women were doing evil..were inventing ways to do the point that God had second guesses about humanity. Now, the open theist would maybe take this verse and prove that God’s responses are not final( in His mind) that God can change his mind and He shows us that He is capable of that. I don’t know. But I do know that that same response God had in Noah’s time exists today.

Here’s another thing.

Jesus promises that as it was in the Days of Noah so will it be when the end comes( Mathew 24). We are in the days of Noah and we are getting close to the flood. I see the rainbow. And I conclude this depravity post( though there need be more) with the fact that the rainbow means mercy. Revelation four sees the Emerald rainbow around the throne. Though we persist in our wicked ways God sends a way, and has sent a way for us to be saved. The one mediator, the man Christ Jesus. The ransom for our sin. The sinless one. The Lamb of God. The Prince of Life. The King of Kings. The Lord of Lords. The only one worthy of being able to govern the world. We must fall on the rock now and choose to battle this depravity with the truth. There is no other way but the way in which we choose God. Acceptance upon Jesus alleviates the wrath that we are under if we don’t choose. Say yes. Repent. Cry out for mercy.

‘For God longs to show you compassion!’

I am just reflecting on a few poems out of 60 that have been written in the last two months, so consider this the first of many. I appreciate all the feedback, comments, Ruckus from you. I thank you for reading his blog.



Rusted Out

O fallen man, how we need your mercy!

Break me
Mold me
Shake me
Stake me
Knife me
With truth,
With endless proof,
Nails in those hands,
Dead to the commands,
Vinegar in the minerals,
Vinegar in me,
Bitter in me,
Salt in me,
It runs, it bleeds,
It succeeds, loving you
Isn’t easy, when my enemies
Follow me, deliver me,
Cast it out of me! That thing
Called sour, called devour,
Called bitter, called unforgiven,
Called an enemy of God,
If all die then you are just,
If we all perish, it is our rust,
Our lust, our perversion,
The ark I need, for only eight
Made it, a new beginning for
Violent defiant man, but division
Speaks and seeks me—all that is
Fallen is not falling off, it is within
Me, what comes out defiles anyway,
This heart is guarded for she whispers
And seduces, bigger and better, tighter
And stronger, beauty is in the eye of
The deceiver—serpent speaks, serpent
Trips us up, for truth is far, truth is a
Faded scar, indelible is the purity of
You, the cleansing of you, for I have
Chosen dark, chosen no spark, chosen
To burn in my own passions, my own
Desires, my own inflamed ambitions—
Kill it or kill me with it—to whom who
Knows to do good and does not do
It, to him it is sin—for I won’t receive
The stripes, or the punishment but If
I stay in the grave, please, show mercy
Do not leave me there!

I See You God

A combination of the last couple of weeks. Wanting to respond and receive God’s mercy for my life.

Reflector shine light on me,
Storyteller tell me a story,
You like, you fell, you tried to
Tell, you loved, you gived, you
Haved, you wanted, you longed,
You stopped, you paused, you
Fought the cause, now you live
In because and change is what
You want, a man is what you need
To be, pain, trials, suffering, erasing
The painstaking memories of the past,
Dark without a spark stayed with you
All those days, all those nights, all those
Fist fights with self images and mirror
Stare downs—now you long, now you
Live—now you are normal and don’t
Want to be—pain stays with you to
Remind you to return and run and
Fall into the love that has saved you,
Depression and electricity stay behind,
For power is in you to speak, to shout,
To make it real loud how you have longed
All your days to belong, to be accepted, to
Be loved and you haven’t gotten what
You wanted—you have received what
You needed and will need to keep
Your heart beating—stop and pause,
And rewrite your story over again,
Storyteller tell me a story, tell me
History, tell me of blasphemy they
Shout and crucify their shouts to
Nails bent around those hands of
Love that reached down when I
Was a long lost cause—now I reflect,
Now I reject, now I choose, now I
Need, Now I bend, Now I say what
I want to say to all who have fallen
Away—love has guided, love has
Divided, love has come, desire, and
Pain stay but love will never fade
Away—so I choose even if no
One chooses at all—I choose to
Live, to give, to receive what I can’t
Give myself—mercy, freedom, love,
Grace, power all to do it again and
Again day after day, new year upon
New year, holiday upon holiday,
Lead me not away from you, cause
Me to return, to remember, to stay
November when I turn another age,
Higher, older, wiser, smarter, but
In more in need year upon year—
I see you God and I hear.

King Of This Castle

Reflecting on God’s mercy breaking through areas where we are resistant to Him.

King of this castle I am
This place of comfort I live in,
This path I walk daily is wrath
Underneath me, for I choose to
Walk from He and away from the
Pain that will make me a better man,
King of this place I do pace and place
All my trust, not knowing when to
Combust when daily I collect rust
And lust after what is wrong and
What song that I cannot dance to,
Now I need a break from these
Awful mistakes I take, how I
Fortify the lie that I can live
In this castle without you,
Hope moves past the moat,
And tries to climb up to me,
I let down my hair, I try to
Rescue me from this royal
Despair, see loyalty is in me,
Allegiance is a part of me, I
Just stumble upon who I
Give it to, so I need you in
This fort, in this fork in the
Road, help me turn it in,
Wave the white flag and
Surrender, call this a
Disaster, make my heart
Beat faster—I trust in
You—the only true King,
Able to rule my most
Fortified of ways


How our nature and God’s nature are opposite but how He loves us in the process of changing us.

in you is mercy, in me is wrath
in you is kind, in me is a rewind
in you is solitude, in me I change
my mind, I regret, I fumble, I choose
to stumble, I like the dark, I see little
light, I stay up all night without you
in sight, my plight, the flight that I
take daily, flying away from you
in all that you do, I am opposite of
what you are, I do opposite of what
you do, yet in opposition you correct
my position and place me in a royal
chair and in a royal place and in a place
that I could never replace with wrath on
me I still choose no, yet yes is all that seems
to be in you, for you never give up on me,
you are the opposite, I now say yes, make
me not a different person, but let me
change in the person that I have chosen

Eyes And Mercy

Thinking about temptation and darkness around but trust in God to redeem.

Eyes have seen

What will destroy

In the unseen

Fingers have clicked

On what will one

Day click no more

Man says: give me

Justice, world change

Around us, lets discuss

This: if God is good,

Then dark is allowed

I’ve lost Him somehow

Man stays with clicks

Today, seeing and going

Where he does not stay

Struggle within now

Has me in, what is

The greatest sin?

To live and breathe

Very unaware that

The world around

Does not care

Blows and goes past

Each day, makes its

Head to have no

Lay—no rest, no

Chest, no room for


To see creation opened

Wide, to have your eyes

Very shut, man sees that

God is not enough

For this fallacy I

Ask for mercy, for

This treachery, I

Ask for mercy

For this man that I do

Talk about, I speak

Of me, that is what

This peace is about

Saint Mercy

I will surely perish with the fighting Irish

And bag pipes are out of the bag now and real loud now

Because in the background I have been harking to listen to

What’s been sparking inside of me now, drunk as a skunk world

Now in a eternal ethereal rut inside me now cause what they do

Doesn’t wreck the clubs but keeps it in business and the exchange

Relates inside of me, I am just pointing the finger with a harbinger of

A message to tell them doom is soon looming and coming clear as day

Now but they don’t listen anyway and drunk is what they are, deaf and

Dumb goes down with a Coke and a Rum and deaf and dumb they stay

Single and alone and without a home, they wander inside this holiday

For a green rainbow to surround their every actions with many factions

Of indifference I know they do sweat and persist to ask it of me to get better

Now and a river dance is at their backsides and a placid redo of green eyes

Sits in front of me now, cause I am just as drunk and dumb as those that

I point the finger to and linger on the ring on my finger and question my

Commitments to the Lamb slain before me now, and a green emerald

Signature is what I need to switch this furniture and get me a place to

Bow down now, so locked in the past is what I want to be but now present

Before me is how I see, drunk inside and unaware of the side splitting sky

Splitting and a renewed bike scene needs to come to me, cause drunk and

In a rut is my favorite place to be, so Lord let sobriety be the priority in

Me now and give me what you always give me—green sweet smelling

Mercy—and let it reign in me along with the drunken mess of a world

Now in front of me, for the only Saint I am celebrating is the one that

Rules and reigns in you now

New Sacrifice

Now O Lord I return to burn again Lord always like a little kid again

With the gifts that sifts inside of me, and all that you call lovely, for I

Have been to strong for to long now inside the forests of earning it,

Chopping down my own wood to serve my own good to sit inside the

Misunderstood of the sacrifice, for you have asked me twice to never think

To much again of the flame and the name of my gain, for I can feel it sane within

My mind of all the wasted time, and now I strive daily to build an altar for you and

To alter the situation always that I cannot earn it from you, but digging now the

Foundation you have been asking, for it has been rare that I do hear, to long its been

To serve my own purposes cause I am weak all the time and full of many regrets

And retreats of weaknesses within me, so Lord I don’t know how to say this but

I regress inside this stress and strain to give you my brain and my intentions and

Inventions of earning it, the altars that I build and the good that I earn for Lord

I want to burn again and love again without regret inside me, for would haves and

Could haves waiting  in line to receive that commendation of mine is all just a vision

In these fingernails because the grip is inside of me, that I cannot earn it swiftly and

The oil is draining and I am still complaining that time has been wasting, and you

Seek the inside of me as more worthy then the outside of my austerity and search

For some clarity but I want to give it all back to you and I want to burn before you

Now with sincere love and life without offense

A Plain Lie

This is a reflection on the teen years. My friends and I smoked in my mom’s car when I was 17. And instead of owning up to it, I covered it up and lied to mom.

A plain morning in the background,

A rainy night it did seem but in reverse

I did live, covering up what I did,

Cigarettes in my hands and a perfect

Plan, hotbox car full of melted tar,

We didn’t get very far as we filled up

The car, ado lessons they sure were

Hard, not on paper but in life it was,

17 and clean from lies it did seem

Then 6am, then Safeway days, bagging

and sweating over the current condition,

smoke filled car, smoke filled lives and

lies became the friend, how that was the sin,

and mom came and the febreeze left a sneeze

and a staredown in here, flight attendant stripes

now in full throttle, turbulence became the release,

lying out of my lips then broken hips hit me, to my

knees I went suddenly in repentance and remorse

and she said it stern, this time you need to learn

how to yearn for what is true, o it was so true

I had no clue, then the plain morning came the

Next day, sheets I claimed to be mine and a sorrow

Filled Valentine later that year, first kisses past me

Now and a life of lies inside me, smoke it was but

Lying because—I lived in fear of all that wear and

Tear and lied some more in front of her and she caught

Me in mercy and consequence filled me, will it be like this

When I meet Him that day—or worse because mom has

A little bit of sentiment and I don’t want to be late to

The heavenly appointment, books opened and my life

Wide opened—for now, I face Him somehow and remember

That mom is not as bad as God but even Him is not the

Problem, its my lying life that needs correcting, so now

I take a bow and get real low and learn to speak with

True words now before the smoke rises up forever

And what I do carries on forever!