Often

Not a child anymore,
But I go back there
I easily remember what was
So messed up and hard
Let the River Flow streamed its
Dream on the screen door,
The Interstate in my pores–
It became a daily grind to never
Stay but to always hide–
Often is no longer a caution
For often is the number of times
you failed me, you tore into me,
You broke what I had as a twig
In the wind, a bruised reed,
A unforgiven deed,
A passed down curse for the hearse
You prepare for me–
Lonely is for the lonely and
Not for the extroverts
Or the comics,
Or the master of homiletic,
I preach a great sermon on
Together, but we can live alone
In the balmy weather of ease,
Of sunlight as acceptance,
For the currency of the future
Is paid by living in the present–
For today is the day not to go
Back or to go forward, but today
Is the day to live

Rusted Out

O fallen man, how we need your mercy!

Break me
Mold me
Shake me
Stake me
Knife me
With truth,
With endless proof,
Nails in those hands,
Dead to the commands,
Vinegar in the minerals,
Vinegar in me,
Bitter in me,
Salt in me,
It runs, it bleeds,
It succeeds, loving you
Isn’t easy, when my enemies
Follow me, deliver me,
Cast it out of me! That thing
Called sour, called devour,
Called bitter, called unforgiven,
Called an enemy of God,
If all die then you are just,
If we all perish, it is our rust,
Our lust, our perversion,
The ark I need, for only eight
Made it, a new beginning for
Violent defiant man, but division
Speaks and seeks me—all that is
Fallen is not falling off, it is within
Me, what comes out defiles anyway,
This heart is guarded for she whispers
And seduces, bigger and better, tighter
And stronger, beauty is in the eye of
The deceiver—serpent speaks, serpent
Trips us up, for truth is far, truth is a
Faded scar, indelible is the purity of
You, the cleansing of you, for I have
Chosen dark, chosen no spark, chosen
To burn in my own passions, my own
Desires, my own inflamed ambitions—
Kill it or kill me with it—to whom who
Knows to do good and does not do
It, to him it is sin—for I won’t receive
The stripes, or the punishment but If
I stay in the grave, please, show mercy
Do not leave me there!

Plan

weight loss plan
trying to understand
repair this despair
as it fades into the air
you stay with me at night
waiting for me to get it right
7 weeks later I am a different
man, crafted into your master plan,
For the sins and the crimes have
Been wasting time, time and time
Again, with you there is no sin,
For the plan I have is to strip down
All that weighs me down and holds me
Back for entering into the fullness
Of All that you have planned and
Ordained for me

By The Door

To many years now waiting by the door

Hoping for you to want more of who I have to be,

By the door waiting for you to leave soon and long

Awaited expectation has been driving me because I silly

Can’t see what you have done for me now but Lord I am

To strong now, for to long now because a broken past has

Had me at last, loved not so well for to long now, and all those

Heartbreaks from human think tanks has let me down now

But to lovely you are to behold and as I grow old with you now

I want more to lay down on the line, as I have studied what is cool

You desire I stay a fool and be friends with the ground now because

You are close to the encounter inside the hour I wait upon you,

For my eyes have transgressed and seen worthless things, my

Heart has expressed the best dressed lady around me and even

She doesn’t do it for me—for days will come when that will truly

Become what I am now but I wait for you alone now—and as I wait

Lord please remove the hate inside the grate of flames waiting to be

Burned and signed away now, stamp it on me forever that I’m going to

Live forever now, for Lord here I am waiting for you, by the door like you

Are leaving this very moment, as I wait for the abandonment you reverse

It on me, that is what you require of me, bags packed so neatly and palms

Sweating so hotly, Lord I need you to come and touch me because I’ve pushed

You away for to long because you might just do me wrong because I’ve been

So afraid of having it made—what you desire is me in weakness and what you

Want is the meekness of the future days that I live with now, so I wait by the door

No more, you aren’t going to leave me for sure—so, Lord I wait for you

At Ease

Floating in disconnect lately,

Clicking upon the wings of wasting away

Saying all that is needed to say, Jesus swayed by the

Way inside me today, billion dollars inside my chest but

Pennies to my name, feeling lame and walking it out that way

The disease of not being at ease has slipped in me and to appease

The most high I would likely die in my own blood tonight, for the

Weakness inside steadily prevails along with messages not so well

Now the garden of Eden back to it again, Adam where are you He said,

Dead always, women silent not she was and it was soon rotten son

To the begotten Son future now on that cross somehow, die now and

Repeat the eating process, for thirsty I’ve rarely been for hunger always

Now turning inside me now and health it cries out, for sugar has replaced

The sweetness of your name in me and this game neverending, put me at

Ease not so much because you love the screwed up and cast down now

Daily

This is a prayer I’ve been praying. Hope you relate to coming back to Him daily.

Daily

Been transgressing recently,

Daily in fact been munching on the apple in the tree

Of life in front of me, been eating at the Garden of Eden,

Now hair is receding and chest beating, so suddenly and

Regularly it has become that I have become numb and

Thirsty for mercy cause lately I’ve been selfishly persisting

At the bite of the apple, the tree of life floating in the distance

Now a Cherub guarding the pathway into the veins that bled

So I could overcome, sweating as a reminder, heat always a

Good thing, the burner behind me, now a retainer in my mouth

For I have no words to express the mess of the transgression

Inside of me now, words of life, not in repetition, Holy will

Now in the intuition and he ain’t touching my condition nor

Changing the volition, male and female both fall apart now

And I split again inside my sin and fall down before Him,

Holy is the way, creativity has brought some severity, for

I have all the perfect poetry for standing perfectly guilty,

Now blood stains fill the carpet and I am left to harp on it,

Now a harbinger of mercy is needed to set me straight but

All that’s left is me at the gate—narrow you yell, that’s the

Way out of Hell, living hard but hardly living I seem to keep

Hearing my own voice all the time, then you pull the car around

And drive me out of this town, into new ways of Holy living,

See all I need to hear is that its worth waiting, all the pure and

Undefiled motivations they have been left on the side with guilt

And shame and all the wrong names, what I’ve forgotten is the

Only begotten and the way of death He already died for me,

Crucified I have become upside down on my own cross, get

Down from there Peter, you got to suffer another way, and

Love rooted deep makes me come to you with the ash heap.

Renewed and loved no more wasting it again, for selfish I am

And that’s not pushing you away, still I am eating the apples

Of transgression, daily munching, daily combusting, but now

Daily I am coming back to you again—please renew, I push

Delete and put myself back on my feet

Crimson Red

About the unrelenting mercies of Jesus.

Here I am again, pushing back in the name of mercy

Now I want to clearly see what’s been in front of me

All these years, wisdom past my ears perking up at

The slaughter festival, here I’ve been strapped in my

Poverty and crimson red has been dead in me, for I pulled

Around the backway of the alleyway to hurry and get away

From this place, it was once secret and safe yet I felt polarized

And despised by the vibration on the wall, there I was in the middle

Of my fall, I didn’t think of you at all, and it hit me as I cleansed myself

Of me, what I’ve tried to erase all these years has been the selfish sin of

The past, trapped in adolescence and trying to live like I’m not alive

On the inside, suitcase has been ready of all my notoriety, I am just the

Scum of the earth ready for a new birth, so wipe away what I can’t erase,

Make me new in this place, bring on your eschaton, tears from my eyes

Soon removal to this upheaval of a life

Good-Bye

Good- Bye

 

It was goodbye with three eyes blind

That I wait in the bread line waiting

For the world to feed me like a bad

Case of minority fever, just pull the

Lever to every clever thought that’s

Led me to run away from you,

Some God up in the sky that is

Waiving good- bye to the past in

Me, that makes haste to deliver me

From a world ready to satisfy me

Like a robot mechanism I so easily

Jump into what so easily will kill me

When senses fail and fade to black

Like burning this city times three with

Tobacco trances in the entrances of

My fortress guarded by some empathy

How’d you suffer with me, you become us,

You cause us to trust when we wave good-bye

To what we don’t understand, the world and

Its ways, the ocean and its waves, not one

Single surf eroding sand without his thumbs

Tilting the earth on its axes, am I a man just

Waving good-bye to past bike scenes where

Locks were left, stolen in seconds we

Walked around the mall, we left with a

Guilty stall to paint the wall our favorite

Color, is releasing tear dropped journal

Entries into the air my plight of despair,

As if text messaging could save me in

The middle of conversations, without

Altruism I seek a night at the museum

Where the ordinary would come to

Life, living like giving abundance is

Bland despondence to His name,

All he really wants is for me to

Believe that east never meets west,

That He is the very best friend I

Could ever amend and no matter

The distance He will show up

In my instance, today, now,

Cup of coffee ready for life

Today, I embrace your good-bye.

I press in until I die, I press in,

I wave good-bye to the past.

Never Pull The String

Never Pull The String

 

Is this the playground that you

And I will dance around. I keep

Walking by sand castles dug deep,

I keep seeing islands from the shore

Wondering if leaving to explore

Would be the best way to getaway

God, do you understand that we

All want to dodge the bullet and

Runaway, trains, planes and

Automobiles, hapless sadness

We want to ride the bus and never

Pull the string, stopping to

Bring more passengers into

The strain of filtering through

Satisfaction reaction and fractions,

We easily dismiss your holy

Request to just be us,

Our sin has us caught in

The resilient bin that stores

It all in and explosion a future

Thought but a pervaded wrought

The hammer nails and if we

Could only win and conquer

Our besetting sin that running

Would no longer be an option,

Facing you would be our

Destination but like lost

Carts in the parking lot

You call us to gather what’s

Been scattered, when we were

Too big for shoots and ladders,

It was then we were pure and

Clean and unhindered to sit

By the fireplace and hear the

Crackling of wood and the

Miracle of water into wine,

It was that table I chose to

Dine, to pay more than

A dime, to exchange before

Life would run me out of

Time, I sit to bend under

Your word, to fight with

The disturbance that will

Penetrate my heart while

I try to sleep, will keep me

Asking for light in the dark,

And in the dark quiet place

Broken bones will be replaced

With wholeness, break room

Breakdowns will someday

Get fixed by hearing that

God is the father to the

Fatherless, and we can’t

Keep running when the pain

Pills run out and we see what

Its all about: leaning into Him,

When we don’t understand,

When our flesh seems overtaken,

It is weak, then strong, then

Together the joints connect

The bones that get us along

 

At 1 o clock in the morning

He can fix you, in the latest

Hours of the night he can give

You dreams, hold so tight,

Not letting go He will find

A way to grow you in the

The right redemption,

Clean you like a fresh

White napkin at the

Dinner table.

 

This is fresh and true

This is for me and you.

And you is never ending

I am. And Here I am also.