Pocket Drugs

This is from school and study and a conversation.

Chemically dependent

Interiorly resilient,

Culture of escape creating much

Hate—all I want is to not be me, for rarely

Do I feel I succeed, cause since age three I can

Barely read, but beauty is inside me somehow and pride

Before the fall is ruling me now—cause all the different drugs

The ones that lift me out from underneath me they have been

Slipping recently, tasting defeat and repeating the smoke circles

Created by me, for movies they appeal so little but take up my time

Not so little, media airwaves of love and stuff fill my mind and start

To corrupt because the electra effect has me now in constant suspect

Sister and mother where are you now, are you like that girl always and

Somehow but gypsy necklaces and brown eyes keep me up late, staring at

The sky and lately I have been longing to not be alone in the midst of my home

For basement goes and basement goes and trapped, locked and four walls around

Remind me slowly that I might drown—but lies in this room keep coming loud

Do better or fail in this test somehow but is it me and my depravity that lately I

Have changed gravity and caused the Lord to bring severity because judgment

Now is coming to me? For drugs and medicine they are in front of me in manilla

Envelopes from Doctor suddenly, hooked I’ve been on this current sin and hooked

I am going til death is in—see all the lies of this dependence have caused me to

Consider independence, for pride now is the new medicine because I am lying to

Myself and still I am living—beating fast ever before me is the Lord ever before me

Now all I have is weakness to give and to the drain these pills go down

Because I have touched you somehow, bright green eyes are in the shadows

And who I am is in the meadows, walking brightly looking for love and always

Now for attention because Lord I cannot go on living for myself with pills at night

Drowning sorrows and serotining me to death, for made up words they do exist

Because around you I am speechless, your majesty it does haunt me because soon

I stand before thee, and you will ask what did I do with the thoughts you put in me

And how did I resist those pills that caused thrills and killed me as well, for

Separation you hate that word but you must judge for sure, and if it be that you

Slip from me then all I will have is pills in my hand in front of you, so I take this

Escape and slide before you because death is to much to risk and eternity to long

To accept the serenity of living for me and not for you, pills aside and medicine dead

Now I face you instead